A Journey to Self

I was sobbing in the shower this morning from sheer gratitude and awe at the power of prayer being realized. I was crying as I had a glimpse of what my life could look like if I follow my heart and the intention I have had all along of helping others find their own hearts desires and messages.

I have been struggling with how to start, whats the next right step to take in order to live a full and rich life and I’ve been stuck for what seems like an eternity. In my daily meditation practice, I began praying to the god that I know lives within me, my capital “S”- Self (that Universal life energy and wisdom that I believe runs through all of us, that connecting force that proves we are one). I was praying for guidance, insight and courage to see the next step. I have been meditating more regularly now than ever before and yet have found it difficult the past several days to clear my mind. I have been waking up for many months, maybe even years with this intense anxiety/stress/tension in my body and I have not been able to understand what it means.

Previous experience has shown me that doing something non-linear helps break me out of the stuck feeling and into the flow feeling which eases that anxiety/stress/tension feeling. This led me taking out my coloring book and colored pencils to draw for 20 minutes. In that time, I had the thought to capture a picture of it and put it on Instagram. This was inspired by GaryV’s video about “document” rather than “create”. The premise was that in order to create valuable content and a lot of it, because it can be a daunting task and hard to do consistently, he suggests documenting your path, documenting what it is that you are doing to build yourself/your business and that it is a great way for people to follow and get to know you AND it is valuable as it provides A road map of how you got there. So I did this and posted with the caption of ‘self care’.

I tend to have great moments of clarity and get into flows of ideas while in the shower. I see showering as a symbolic gesture of a cleansing ritual - maybe to cleanse myself of the stuck feelings and to also get into the flow of that life force energy. As I was standing in the shower this morning, I followed the idea of self care with that of self aware, self love, self compassion. And then the idea came that my purpose, my path is to help guide you into your heart and soul, to show you A way (because there are many) to get there and that each of you will find your own unique and amazing Self. I realized that I don't have to cater to helping you find some pre-determined answer, that the beauty and ease lies in the fact that each of you is different, each of you have your own inner landscape, that I have nothing to do with what you find, I am here as your sherpa/guide to help you navigate your inner world. I am here to share the skills and tools that I use daily for my own journey to find my Self as an open invitation for whomever would like to venture into knowing yourselves on a deeper more intimate level. And then the Gary V suggestion popped up again about document rather than create so I had the idea of a blog series called A journey to Self - sharing my journey and spiritual path into my heart and soul, to meet my Self, the raw, real, unedited Self and to get to know my Self more.

I cried because I felt like this was my Self answering my prayers. And I believe that it was in the process of meditating and coloring that I softened, I opened up to the creative flow of love from my Self. I feel like this is in alignment with what I have been wanting to give to the world, an easily accessible way to reach your own hearts and a way to share of myself in an authentic and vulnerable way. And I feel ready to answer this calling and be the sherpa of these inner terrains for those of you who wish to take your own journey.

Love,

Kristina Marie